Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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