so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
