just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
