When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
