big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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