Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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