I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
