Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
