like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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