your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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