You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
