He passed out mid-signature
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize