will power is for people who don't want to get laid
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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