Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
