it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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