oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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