Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
