I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
