I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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