Only a mothe r could love this liver
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize