remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
