I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
