I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
