i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
