My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
