hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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