What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is the high leading the old right now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
