Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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