fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize