windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
