Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
