i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
