It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize