i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
