My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
