She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
