You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This baby is an asshole
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
