If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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