Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
