I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
