i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
