Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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