You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
