My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
