Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All the doctor said was why
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