Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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