just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
