You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
