i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
