well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
