from now on my penis is your penis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize