she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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