I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
