whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
