I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
