So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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