im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
