craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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