I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize