brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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