Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize