this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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