the day after is always just damage control
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
