fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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