Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
