so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
