So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I smell stomach acid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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