My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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