What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
