Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
