I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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