At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
