at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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