I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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