I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
