Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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