i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Two words: nipple clamps
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