apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
